Light at the end of the tunnel

Well, I finally found a lawyer that is willing to work for me.  He’s a single dad that had to fight for his share of custody of his kids when he was divorced.  He can relate. 

I should have my court date in about two weeks.  He’s pretty confident that I’ll get my 50/50 with a few days at a time to start with.  The time will grow as my daugther grows.  It’s all I ask for.

I still may have a fight a head of me.  Beth is still out of control and is always accusing me of wanting to kidnap my daugther every time I ask her to take her to meet my family.

My mother is still the only one who has met my daugther.  It’s going to be so nice to finally introduce her to my sisters and the rest of my family and friends. 

Lani, there is finally light at the end of the tunnel.

Recognition

Finally, a politician who recognizes the rights of fathers:  http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/0411paternity-ON.html

A Father’s Story

Another father failed by the FOC in Bay County, Michigan.  Our court system is a travesty and is ignoring the civil rights of father’s everywhere.

http://www.fixthefoc.com/new/modules/smartsection/item.php?itemid=60

FOC: Devil with a Pitchfork

Ignorance is Bliss

Me: new job with a great international company with a huge opportunity for growth.  I can basically write my own career ticket with this company with hard work and dedication.

Beth:  still think education is a waste of time and money?  Ignorance is bliss (so they say).

The Bay County FOC is the Devil with a Pitchfork

The Bay County Friend of the Court (FOC) is the Devil with a Pitchfork trying to fry me over a hot flame for father’s who WANT to and CAN care for their children.

The humerous thing is that I WANT to pay for my daughter’s way; I WANT to provide her with healthcare coverage.

The taxpayers of Michigan should be outraged that they are paying the way for a child that they should not be paying the way for.  I’m here and WILLING and WANTING to pay for my daughter’s way.  Beth and the FOC keep turning me away!

Stealing from Taxpayers

I recently was hired in a new job with an excellent international company.  I want to add my daugther to my insurance policy to cover her healthcare needs, which would require Beth to place me on my daughter’s birth certificate as the father.  Beth declined my offer because “it’s not necessary.”  Lani “is already on her insurance and is on medicade” to cover the difference. 

Isn’t it fraud when a mother knowingly and willingly does not declare the father of her child on the child’s birth certificate in order to obtain state benefits? 

15 Hours in Two Months

March 12, 2007.  My daughter is over 2 months old.  I’ve spent 15 hours with her total in that time; coming in 1/2 hour visits.  I guess I should be grateful to get to see her at all.  Forgive me if I don’t feel grateful.

How do these people get thier jobs?!

I went down to the Friend of the Court today in Bay County, Michigan and was told that becasue I cannot get the information voluntarily from my ex-girlfriend that is needed to complete my child support claim that there is no way to get a paternity test and court date to establish my parental rights. 

Please explain this to me that in a country where you can sue anyone for looking at you cross-eyed that you cannot get a day in family court without the life history of your ex?  Now if the shoe was on the other foot and my ex wanted me to pay child support I can assure you that the State of Michigan wouldn’t need my social security number and the rest of my personal background information.   All my ex would have to do is say that I am the father and the court would order me to take a paternity test and start paying for the baby. 

If anyone out there has knowledge of what paper work I need to fill out to force the paternity test and get my day in court please tell me where to find it.   The lawyers that I’ve consulted are useless.

National Organization for Women (NOW)

NOW is against legislation for father’s rights.  It is a femanist organization focused on bringing about equal rights for woman in the United States.  Though in theory this is an amazing stanz, in actuality, they are very one sided when it comes to father’s having an automatic right to their children.

 NOW Statement of Purpose “Our mission is to take action to bring women into full participation in the mainstream of American society now, exercising all privileges and responsibilities thereof in truly equal partnership with men. NOW seeks to eliminate the roots of sexism in society by actions, including lobbying, educating and mobilizing the community on women’s rights issues. “Funny…NOW seeks to eliminate the roots of sexism in our society, yet support it fully by fighting against legislation for father’s to have automatic rights to their child; that a mother is the only parent that a child needs; that if a mother does not want the father in the life of their child for WHATEVER reason, then the father should stay away – it’s in the best interest of the child. 

I ask you, isn’t this sexist? Below is a letter to the Renee Beeker for Michigan’s Chapter of NOW submitted by my sister on behalf of my family and my cause. 

Dear Renee Beeker,

Having read several of your organization’s writings regarding child custoy cases in Michigan, I am compelled to write you on behalf of my brother William Graham, of Bay City, Michigan, and the rest of my family.  I was raised in Bay City, Michigan myself and though I have since left, a large majority of my family still calls it home.  I’m also proud to call myself a liberal and one who stands up for equal and just rights for all of us, especially those who cannot stand up for themselves: namely children.

My upbringing was one of vilent domestic abuse at the hands of my father.  My father served two tours in Vietname in the 101st Airborne Division and came home as an alcoholic and drug addict with many demons due to his killing of many innocent people, and watching many of his friends die at the hands of other puppets.  My mother, as well as my brother, sister and I, suffered greatly at his hands for many years. 

I grew up in the 70s and 80s where the police were useless in doing antying to protect my family from my father – and the government who created this monster turned its back on him and my family.  It took my family years to heal from the tradegey and pain that we suffered – but WE HAVE – and to this day, we all have a relationship with my father – and on our own terms – because we came to see him too as a victim of our society – because he is.  Because he has not taken responsibility for his actions our relationship with him now is on our terms. 

I applaud the advancements that have been made in domestic violence in our country today due to woman such as you who stand for the rights of woman and their children in abusive situations.  It has been a long road with much work still to do; however, at some point, women need to take responsibility for themselves.  They need to educate themselves and provide an educated upbringing for their children so such a cycle does not persist.

It is because of the education that my siblings and I have pushed for in our lives that were were able to lift ourselves ouf of the cycle of abuse that began with my father in the late 60s.  My brother, sister and I have grown into well educated, responsible and giving adults and great contribtors to our society.  We knew the cycle need not persiste.  We stood up – and still do – for our rights and individuals and as Americans.  We voice our opinions loud and proud.  We do not stand idly by while others attempt to rape us of our civil rights and the right to our family. 

With this said, I’m greatly disturbed by your organization’s stance on child custody cases with regard to father’s rights.  Being a parent myself, I cannot help but read postings by your organization on child custody cases in Michigan and not become angered.  Your stance on this issue is blatantly one sided and has no regard for the overall well being of a child.

I have rad several times in many postings from your organization that supporting automatic joint custody between fathers and mothers – who are both responsible for conceiving a child (as I last checked there are immaculate conceptions happening in our day and age) – is not in the best interest of the child; and that providing a “one size fits all” approach to the matter is not in the best interest of the child.

I ask you:

1) Is assuming that the mother is best caregiver for the child simply because a father’s anatomy is constructed in such a way as to where it is impossible for him to carry and birth a  child not a “one size fits all” approach and in the best interest of the child?

2) Is assuming that every father who exists does not want, or have, an automatic bond with the child that he helped conceive not a “one size fits all” approach and in the best interest of the child?

3) Is keeping the father (and his extended family) out of the life of a child without cause or justification simply because a mother can do so due to the archaic laws of our society not a “one size fits all” approach and in the best interest of the child?

In my life expereince and opinion, a mother who – without cause or justification – does not allow the father to be a part of his child’s life is an UNFIT parent.  That mother does not have the best interest of her child in mind.  It is at least selfish and at best criminal. 

Granted, there are several fathers who exist who should lose their rights to their child due to their neglectful and violent tendencies towards their family; however, there are more than a few million fathers out there who are being tragically torn from the lives of their children simply because the mother can  – without cause or justification - keep the child from the father.  Men are being penalzied in our society today because their anatomy does not support the conception, carrying or birthing of a child.  Is this not sexist?

A father should have the just as much right to a child that they mother does at birth.  That child is part of him and part of his family, his lineage, his history. 

It seems interesting to me that our court system does all that is can to force fathers to be a part of their child’s life with unjust child support payments that put many men into situations of homelessness and despair – and many without having the right to visit their child – but does NOTHING to foster the relationship between a father and child with a father who WANTS to play a fully active part of his child’s life.  Such a father has to spend thousands of dollars in legal fees to fight for his GOD given right to be a part of his child’s life. 

I ask you, is this justice?

It seems to me that the issue of child custody comes down to one thing: money.  As long as the woman and the courts are getting their share – then all is good.  Woman need to stand up and take responsibility for themselves, support themselves and their children.  Let women get a good job and educate and provide their children with the love and support of BOTH parents; not  continue the pepetual cycle of playing the victim and using the children to “punish” the father for having gotten the mother pregnant. 

Furthermore, your organization seems to assume that the only abuse the a child ever receives is through the father.  Is that not a one sided argumkent and a blanket approach to the issue of child custody?  My mother made many bad choices while were were growing up and continuously subjected us to the abuse of our father.  Are her actions not abuse?  Are her actions not neglect? 

Women need to take responsibility for their actions, for their choices and those they force upon their children.  Stop playing the damn victim and start standing up for yourself; and stop using your children to further your agenda. 

I ask you, is using your children not abuse?

I see on the news nearly daily sotries where mothers have abused or murdered their children and the fathers suffer at the loss of their child’s life; one that the father never really had a chance to be a part of due to the archaic laws in the country.  To automatically assume with the birth of a child that the mother is stable and the father is not is nothing short of criminal. 

Recently, my brother participated in the act of conceiving a child with his now ex-girlfriend.  Since this occurrence, my brother has been barred from the joy of experiencing his child grow and kick within the womb and then on December 30, 2006 robbed of the joy of experiencing his daughter’s first breath at birth.  It is now four days since the birth of his beautiful little girl and he has not seen her in the past three.  Phone calls are going unanswered and doors are being unopened to him. 

I ask you, is this justice?

I can anticipate the next question that you are going to ask:  “What did your brother do to deserve this?”  I’ll tell you.

He’s getting his bachelors degree!

This is why he has been barred from his daugther’s life.  The mother is disheartened by the fact that my brother has a $30K student loan debt.  It makes him “irresponsible” to rack up such a debt; it makes him “irresponsible” not to quit school to work full time at an $11/hour dead end job with poor benefits to care for his daughter; it’s “selfish” of him to continue with his education because and education is not going to “guarantee him a good job.”

This is the mentality that my brother is dealing with and the reason why he is being barred from seeing his daughter.  Not only is he being barred from seeing his daughter, his name was not put on the birth certificate and his daughter was given a different last name.

His lawyer is telling that it’s highly probable that he will get 50/50 custody, but with still only being able to visit with his daughter a few hours per week; however, given the fact that the mother does not want him to see his daughter he may get less than that.  According to your stance on this issue, if the mother does not “agree” to my brother being a part of his daughter’s life, then keeping him out is in the best interest of the child.

I ask you, is this justice?  Is this truly in the best interest of his daugther?

These archaic, unjust, selfish rights of the mother are what your organization is fighting to perserve under the guise of woman’s rights.  You say that a woman has a right to her own body, to raise her child as she sees fit, to keep those out of the child’s life that she wishes to without cause or justification, including the father.  I agree with the first – a woman has a right to her own body; however, a father who wants to be a an active part of his child’s life, wants to love his child, care of his child, hold his child, experience the joys that a child brings to one’s loife should have the right to do so without archaic and biased laws telling him he cannot.  What is happening to my brother is a BLATENT violation of his civil rights; his right to life, libery and the pursuit of happiness, as well as the civil rights of his daughter. 

I ask you, is this justice?  Your organization is supporting such “justice.”

We are in this for the long haul.  My family is fully behind my brother and his dauther’s right to have him in her life; and her right to have her extended family in her life.  We are joinging forces with those fathers and mothers who have lost their rights to their children unjustly because the archaic laws todya have a “one size fits all” appraoch that your organization is so adamant against, yet supports fully.

I look forward to the many battles to come; to fight for what is right and just; and for my neice to grow knowing that a group of woman who enjoy playing the victim, including her mother, though it best that her father, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins not be a part of her life.  I’m sure that she’ll be grateful to you all for taking away the years of you that she will undoubtedly loose from not having her father in her life full time.

May you have a happy new year.

 

When Family is of No Concern, Part 3

It is now January 27, 2007.  My daugther will be one month old in three days.  She’s so beautiful.

My family and friends have still not met my daughter: no grandparents, no aunts, no uncles, no cousins.  No one except my mother and me.